I'm A Business, Man

作者:未知 来源:美国国家公共电台 2016-08-27

JONATHAN COULTON: From NPR and WNYC, coming to you from The Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, N.Y., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Now here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. We have a great show for you. Four contestants are backstage filling out the Sunday crossword in pen, waiting to face off against each other in our nerdy games, but only one will become our big winner. And our special guests are Omari Hardwick and Naturi Naughton from the Starz series "Power."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: It's about a nightclub owner who leads a secret double life as a drug kingpin. And it makes me think about our show. You know, who really holds the power on our show? Is it me, the host and puppeteer? Is it Jonathan, wielder of the axe? Or is it Art, guru of puzzles? But the answer is none of us. No, the person who holds all the power on this show is the intern who runs the buzzers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Let's get things started with our first two contestants. First up, Mary Rezendes. You are an army officer in the IT department.

MARY REZENDES: Yes, I am.

EISENBERG: OK, how did you learn about all things computer and IT?

REZENDES: The Army saw my general studies degree and said, let's give her a really technical job.

(LAUGHTER)

REZENDES: And then they taught me everything I know.

EISENBERG: So you had no idea what you were doing on the first day of that job.

REZENDES: Absolutely none.

EISENBERG: Oh yeah, OK (laughter). That sounds - that's an interesting position.

REZENDES: And probably still don't on most days.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I think your story is both frightening and inspiring, I will tell you that. Now, your opponent is Patrice Gonzales. You are an art photographer and organizing an arts festival in Prospect Park.

PATRICE GONZALES: The thing that I'm doing for the festival has a lot of photography in it. It's a newsstand. So everything in the newsstand is going to be an art object made by women.

EISENBERG: Oh, very cool, awesome. OK, so Mary and Patrice, the first of you to win two of our games is going to move on to our final round at the end of the show. And we're going to start with a word game called I'm a Business, Man. Are you excited about that. Sure, why not? You're both women. Sounds exciting.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Mary, what is a product you would endorse if you had to endorse a product?

REZENDES: It would be a hair product. I spend a lot of money on those. So anything that would get me free, like, hair gel that's sort of gluey. That's what I would use.

EISENBERG: Some gluey - a little...

REZENDES: ...Yeah, gluey hair gel.

EISENBERG: Dippity-Do? A little Dippity-Do?

REZENDES: Sure, something stronger than Dippity-Do.

EISENBERG: OK, a hair product.

REZENDES: Yes, definitely.

EISENBERG: An intense, glue-like hair product.

REZENDES: Yes, yes.

EISENBERG: Patrice, what is a product you'd like to endorse?

GONZALES: So my roommate has two cats. We have a strained relationship, I would say.

(LAUGHTER)

GONZALES: And they have this thing that you bite down on, and it's like a fake cat tongue. So you bite on it and then you lick your cat (laughter) to build a relationship with them because, like, cats groom each other. That's like a bonding thing.

EISENBERG: Have you realized that there is no way to build a relationship with a cat?

GONZALES: (Laughter) I think so. I think so.

EISENBERG: It doesn't matter if you lick it like another cat. It still hates you. Yeah, still trying to kill you. I expected nothing, and I got so much.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's a good way to be. So you've heard of Beats by Dre or the Oprah Winfrey Network. Perhaps you've heard of my fragrance line, Musty Top Notes by Ophira. But in this game, you're going to mash up the name of a famous person with the name of a company. So for an example, let's go to our puzzle guru, Art Chung.

ART CHUNG: If we said this California girl singer tries her hand at men's fashion, you'd answer Katy Perry Ellis. That's combining Katy Perry with the fashion designer Perry Ellis. And a celebrity's name will always come first.

COULTON: Just buzz in to answer. And the winner will be one step closer to the final round at the end of the show. All right, let's go.

EISENBERG: Fans of this classified ad website were initially shaken, not stirred when they found out it was actually being run by this 007 actor.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Mary.

REZENDES: Daniel Craigslist.

EISENBERG: That is correct. Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Does anyone else have a real ongoing thing going through their head with Daniel Craig coming to you out of the ocean just every time you need that? It helps you motivate through your life?

REZENDES: I'm there. I'm there with you, yeah - or him, actually. I'm there with him.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) I'm there with him, not you, got it. Patrice, do you know that scene?

GONZALES: I do, but my mom said something very inappropriate when we first watched that movie together and that's all I can think of.

EISENBERG: What did she say?

(LAUGHTER)

GONZALES: She said she wasn't very impressed with the size.

EISENBERG: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Your mom sounds like a very special woman.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Instead of letting your health collapse like a house of cards, you'll feel like a princess bride as this actress teams up with a drugstore chain.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mary.

REZENDES: Robin Rite Aid.

COULTON: You got it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: This woman's career move from supermodel to soup model will have you saying mm-mm (ph) good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Patrice.

GONZALES: Naomi Campbell's Soup.

EISENBERG: Exactly, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: A real sign of the times - this online auction company wants to lead a glamorous life by teaming up with a singer, percussionist and Prince protege.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mary.

REZENDES: Sheila eBay.

CHUNG: That is correct.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: This gold-medal-winning decathlete and E! reality star won the Arthur Ashe Courage Award in 2015. Now her garage is full of Cadillacs, Chevrolets and Buicks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Mary.

REZENDES: Caitlin GMC?

CHUNG: No, I'm sorry. That's not what we're...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

CHUNG: ...Looking for.

CHUNG: It's close, but can you steal, Patrice?

GONZALES: Oh, General Motors - maybe? No, well, that's what...

EISENBERG: Yeah, make a decision.

CHUNG: Say it all together.

GONZALES: Caitlyn General Motors.

EISENBERG: Yes. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, OK.

CHUNG: ...All right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: This 1980s singer knows love is a battlefield. You know what else is a battlefield? The 10 items or less line at this big-box store, am I right?

CHUNG: The big-box store has a circle as its logo.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) I know you can do it. I know one of you can ring in and just take a chance...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: ...And make it happen. Mary.

REZENDES: Pat Benatarget.

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: It was a tough game, but congratulations to Mary. You're one step closer to moving on to our final round.

(APPLAUSE)

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